Lost: Mommy Mojo

Being back at work has gotten easier...I guess.  I'm finding my rhythm and establishing some sort of routine and somehow have made it "successfully" through 3 weeks of work.  But somewhere between Friday evening and Saturday morning, I seem to have misplaced my mommy mojo.  I usually find it by Monday, but Saturday and Sunday I have no clue where it went.  Lately my Saturdays and Sundays just feel off...I lack rhythm and routine and stumble through the day.  I feel like I can't read Jackson's signals and it leaves me feeling flustered inside and anxious for spring break (and the end of this school year).  I feel like because I don't see him much during the week that I can't read him as well on the weekends...and that causes us to be a bit out of sync.  And of course, I want to be that mother that knows exactly what her son wants and needs... 

Believe it or not, this was the beginning of tummy time.

There we go...that's better!

The good news is Jackson doesn't seem to fault me for it.  There are moments when he looks into my eyes and stares deeply as you talk to him about the day.  He looks at you so tenderly that you know he's glad just to be near you.  And just when I am questioning why he seems to be so fussy early in the morning when he never was before, I pick him up and he settles immediately into a deep sleep.  So I ignore the papers that need to be graded and settle into the couch for a long nap.

So just when I think I just don't get it anymore, Monday comes around and I find my mommy mojo again. With work there ends up being a routine of sort in the evenings.  And while I can't seem to get enough work done throughout the day, my routine with Jackson has gone pretty smoothly.

So that's all for now...my eyes are burning for sleep and 4:45 comes quicker than you'd think.  (And a quick shout out to Adam, who will be happy to have a blog update to read while he's away again, we love you)

Is that you, Daddy?

Hope everyone has a happy hump day and for all you mommy's out there, hope you haven't lost your mommy mojo!

3 months

A quick update in honor of Jackson's third month:

Another month...subtle changes in Jackson...Jackson has steadily gained weight (was 12 pounds two weeks ago), is slowly getting that head straight, and can be propped sitting up for short periods of time.  Huge changes have occurred for Mommy and Daddy...  Mommy went back to work and Daddy began traveling. 

And I forgot to mention...Jackson did get his March RSV shot (for those of you who were wondering).  And we did end up putting Jackson on thyroid medicine.  His pediatrician consulted with a pediatric endocrinologist and he felt his levels were high so we are now crushing up 1/2 a pill and putting it in on Jackson's tongue.  Its sweet and Jackson likes it...

Happy weekend to all...

Teachings...

Day one back to work and I had to begin teaching meiosis.  For those of you who don't have a biology background, this is the process of making sex cells.  This process also can accidentally cause one sex cell to get an extra chromosome.  This process is what caused Jackson's down syndrome.  And I had to teach about it...

Believe it or not, first day back and I had a student ask me how does a cell get an extra chromosome.  I showed him with my fancy magnetic chromosomes that I use to teach cell division and he responded with, "That causes autism, right?". I responded with, "No, it causes down syndrome."  (Amongst other things depending on which pair of chromosomes it happens to...but that's besides the point)

I'll be honest...I had really hoped that I would come back to work and this topic would have already been taught by my long-term sub.  I had confessed to Adam during my maternity leave that I was terrified about teaching this topic since "errors" during meiosis is a part of the curriculum we teach.  Would I be able to discuss it knowing how personal this topic felt?  Do I tell my students about Jackson?  Can I just skip the lesson? 

Don't worry, I didn't.  But I also chose not to share our news with my students.  It simply felt too personal.  And I guess a part of me didn't want to see the reaction that I might get from them.  Or maybe I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable...So I stuck to the details and made it through the week teaching the one topic that I was dreading. 

And I survived.  And when I look at Jackson, all I see are his big, beautiful blue eyes staring back at me.  As my sister said one day, "it looks like he has stars in his eyes"... and this makes down syndrome a lot less scary. 

Back to Work...

So Adam made me write two posts, saying that I had to separate the oyster roast from going back to work...so this is for him.

This past week marked my reentry into work.  I survived...survived being the operative word.  Emotionally, I did okay if I do say so myself.  Monday morning I got ready for work went upstairs to say goodbye to Jackson and then realized that wasn't a good idea.  So a few tears, not too shabby.  But as anyone who is a teacher knows, once you are at work you have little time for anything else.  Lesson plans, grading, copies to be made, meetings...it never ends.  So this week went by very quickly, and with two very exhausted parents. 

A couple of highlights: 
I taught a class with my fly down.  I did realize it after the period was up and I'm pretty sure (and crossing my fingers) that my shirt was long enough to cover my fly.  Awesome. 

I was walked in on while pumping.  Yes, I had a "Do not enter" sign on the door.  They even admitted that they saw the sign and wondered why it was there.  Luckily, I was pumping on the side furthest from the door, so hopefully they did not get too much of an eye-full.  Awesome.

I began pumping without a bottle or bag attached to the pump. I only realized this after my brain questioned why I felt wet only to look down and see my pant leg was getting saturated with milk.  Awesome. 

But overall, I survived.  Adam and I made it to Friday and attempted to watch Toy Story 3.  We began the movie around 7:30pm...neither of us made it all the way through the movie. 

So I'd like to talk to my past self and smack them each time they said they were tired...because she did not know the definition of tired.  So this weekend we will hopefully catch up on some sleep, some housework, and some serious cuddle time.

Happy weekend to all...

 

 

Oyster Roast

A busy weekend before my re-entry back to work.  Adam, Jackson and I took off for the annual Oyster Roast in Severna Park.  Jackson was going to be watched by Adam's cousin Jill at Adam's parent's home and we were going to head down to the water to hang out and eat some oysters.  Or Adam was going to eat oysters and I was going to sample whatever non-oyster delicious foods they had down there.  Unfortunately the air temperature when you stepped out of the house was very different than the air temperature down by the water and after a little over an hour, my mother-in-law, my friend Jenn, and I decided to head back up to the house to warm up a bit and check on Jackson.  I had full intention of heading back down to the water after thawing out but you know what, it was warm and cozy in the house and it was my last weekend with Jackson.  So I stayed put and enjoyed the company of neighbors that dropped by to warm up and family that dropped by to visit.

Aunt Lacey giving Jackson some love.

Jackson checking out Uncle Josh

Best part of the day, Jackson got to meet Maggie who was due a day after Jackson but ended up being a month younger since Jackson was born two weeks early and Maggie was born two weeks late.  When cousin Carly laid Maggie down next to Jackson, my heart grew big and I rushed to get my camera (new parent syndrome).  They laid close to one another and seemed perfectly content, even with Jackson catching an elbow now and then.

 

As the oyster roast wound down, the rest of the brave souls came in from the cold to relax, talk, and enjoy some music.  

Oh for an ounce of this energy...Maggie's sister Libby burning some energy!

A great way to end the weekend...now for those lesson plans...oh, those can wait.